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Monday, January 24, 2011

Prepping the wife and/or girlfriend

In today's weird world, you may think that you need to get something to help your wife and/or girlfriend to protect themselves. Just don't do what this guy did!

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that
it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
fireplace.


·
 The recliner was upside down and about 
   8 feet or so from where it originally was.

·
 My triceps, right thigh and both
  nipples were still twitching.


·
 My face felt like it had been shot up
  with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.


·
 I had no control over the drooling.

·
 Apparently I had crapped in my shorts,
  but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of
  smell was gone.


·
 I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
  head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!


------------------------------------------
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Guest Post: Snow Survival, by Christopher Young

Taken in Megeve, France
Jan 17, 2011

When a person joins a survival mailing list, many
things are popular to dsscuss.  Having been on many
survvial mailing lists, I have come to recognize some
of the popular subjects. Bugging out is one of the big
popular subjects. Everyone's favorite subject is to
grab a bag of supplies and a rifle, and head for the
woods. Doesn't matter what the problem is, some
one will want to bug out. Guns are another subject.

Fortunately, or maybe unfortuantely. Many problems
we face are  far more simple than TEOTWAWKI. You
know. The End of The World As We Know It.  So far,
the world hasn't ended, at least not as I know it. We
have had plenty of problems including depressions,
recessions, and volcanos. These, and power cuts and
military insurgenes, wars, and religious conquests.

But, who considers snow, on the list of threats we
face? It isn't compelling, like parachiging Cubans
coming down from the sky in the Red Dawn movie.
Nor is it a popular subject like looting, or Mutant
Zombie Bikers.

But, in the years I've been alive, snow actually has
come closer to killing me than Cubans, or Mutant
Zombie bikers. So, I'm one to consider snow a serious
concern

There was recently (January 2011) a heavy snow
fall in New York City, USA. The snow fall resulted
in at least two deaths, and untold misery for the
residents there. The poorly plowed streets had plenty
of vehicles stuck in the snow, and many people could
not get out of their own homes and apartments for
many days.

The electric stayed on. The televisions brought news
coverage up to the minute, of who was snowed in.
Thousands got to stay home, and watch Geraldo, and
The Price Is Right, at 11 AM. But, there was much
suffering, also. The police could barely move. Their
vehicles have ground clearance, like everyone else.
The ambulance guys in some cases could not get to the
sick people. The efforts were extreme. Crews of people
pulled stretchers over the snow. But, that can't rescue
everyone.

If you live in an area which gets snow, you would be
wise to make some simple and easy preparations before
the snow season gets bad. Figure out what your basic
needs are, and work to take care of them before things
get too bad.


The simple problems are the most common ones. The
simple safety steps are the most important ones. First,
if you can stay home, please do so. When it is snowing,
you are much safer at home. As compared to walking,
or being in your car.

Second, have a plan. Be creative. Figure out what your
needs are, and alternate ways to meet the needs.

Third, have some basic supplies. An emergency kit.

Remember James Kim?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Kim
Rather educated fellow. Going home from a trip, and
got stuck in the snow. Died, while trying to get help
for his wife and two daughters. He was driving in snow
and went off the main roads, to take a shortcut that the
internet map showed. His car got stuck, and he eventually
died in the snow. His wife and two daughters lived, but
barely.

So, what could James have done better? What can
you do better?

First, he could have respected the power of snow.
Talk with the local folks. He could have gotten a
motel room, and stayed indoors during the storm.
In the case of severe snow, don't go out.

Second, the plan. If you do go out, tell trusted other
people. Let them know your expected route, and
arrival time. If his family had known, they would have
found him a lot sooner. Yes, his family did search for
him. Even to the point of hiring a helocopter.

Third, he could have had an emergency kit in the car.
Even going on a side road as he did, he may well have
lived to tell. That is, he had some emergency supplies
in the car.

Lets look at some things that you can do at home.
Take care of your medical health. If you are shovel-
ling, do it slowly and pause often to stand, and rest.
You will actually get done sooner, if you pause and
rest after each shovel of snow, or maybe every other
one. Drink plenty of water, you'll dry out faster than
you think. What will you do if you have a medical
problem at home? Do you have a good supply of your
own medications? A first aid kit?

Second, consider the indoor heat. What to do if the
power goes out? Do you have backup heat of some
kind, for a couple days? A fuel based cook stove or
portable heater is good. A generator can wire into
your furnace, for an hour morning and night. You'll
want battery power fans to blow the heat from room
to room. Or get the heat off the ceiling. Do you have
a fire extinguisher, in case things go wrong?
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